Wednesday 29 May 2013

Thin people have souls



Ever since exiting the puppy fat of toddlerhood, I have been plagued with a rapid metabolism and ability to have my cake and eat it without upping a couple of dress sizes.

Like so many others of a similar disposition, we are told all too often how “lucky” we are. 

Back in early 90’s Brit-Pop Britain, in a high-school way before skeletal-chic was in-vogue, having the physique and self-certainty of an embryonic foal was certainly nothing to feel “lucky” about.

With it came jibes from fuller bodied, busty girls whose sole purpose in life was to draw unwanted attention to their twig-like, pre-pubescent peers. 

Throughout life I have encountered an army of Russian dolls, as tall as they are wide, who think it’s perfectly acceptable to continuously offer patronising asides encouraging us to eat ourselves into obesity and join their clan.

Under the constant scrutiny of portly strangers, it’s never the average build that is desperate to up the UK obesity dynamic and produce a superior race that will, in due course, enter the realms of self-induced middle-aged incapacitation.

A few days ago, having already eaten two cakes and being genuinely full, I was ordered to eat another because I “needed it”. I was sorely tempted to suggest that the big massive fatty, and future diabetes-ridden amputee in question, should perhaps lay off the fucking cake because her gluttony is destined to have a detrimental effect on the already crumbling NHS and tax payers’ money. But I didn’t, because that would be frowned upon right?

Unfortunately offering health advice to people, who consume twice the recommended daily calorie intake on a regular basis and then kick up a fuss over their ‘basic human rights’ when they’re asked to pay double air-fares, isn’t socially acceptable.

But their ignoring the basic human rights of the people they wedge themselves in next to on long haul flights, their gargantuan forearms suffocating us to death like crash test dummies against an activated air-bag, while offering us a doughnut through pitiful eyes because “we need fattening up” is morally sound. 

Rant over.


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